Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
