just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
