I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made out with two different species that night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A bitchslap is in order.
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