I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.