Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (957) Bad night (1957)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted

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  (703): so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted http://tfl.nu/4p9h
  Replies (20) Good night (896) Bad night (2681)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

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  (773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f
  Replies (47) Good night (1372) Bad night (6422)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

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  (702): So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am http://tfl.nu/tj8n
  Replies (15) Good night (1591) Bad night (3158)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

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  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
  Replies (23) Good night (4776) Bad night (1914)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

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  (317): Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace. http://tfl.nu/qgcb
  Replies (8) Good night (1467) Bad night (3155)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.

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  (610): The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom. (484): I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you. http://tfl.nu/hypz
  Replies (7) Good night (4567) Bad night (851)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..

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  (414): She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits.. http://tfl.nu/lntf
  Replies (4) Good night (849) Bad night (1555)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.

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  (708): Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover. http://tfl.nu/rh7v
  Replies (2) Good night (1330) Bad night (1298)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.

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  (503): It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now. http://tfl.nu/4bjw
  Replies (7) Good night (712) Bad night (1293)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl

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  (314): The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl http://tfl.nu/c78c
  Replies (6) Good night (947) Bad night (1473)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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  (206): Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities http://tfl.nu/0iqe
  Replies (11) Good night (3267) Bad night (591)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is

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  (724): Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is http://tfl.nu/t84q
  Replies (4) Good night (910) Bad night (455)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.

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  (417): Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink. http://tfl.nu/412l
  Replies (5) Good night (2000) Bad night (656)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.

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  (608): I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation. http://tfl.nu/elh6
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (217)

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