Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain