i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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