if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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