Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
