DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
