Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
