i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
