Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
