Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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