so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
