I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
