my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
