it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
