i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
