Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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