WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
