You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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