wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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