WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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