Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
