Don't make out with my wife yet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
