I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
