but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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