A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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