Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
