I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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