i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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