Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
