youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
