would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
