Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
