Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
