A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Duck Duck Cougar?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
