Sponge bath it is.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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