would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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