Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We got so high we made milksteak
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
