I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
