how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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