yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
