im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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