Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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