I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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