So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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