Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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