Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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