if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
