I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
