If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
