I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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