I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
