The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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