Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
