I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
