so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
