bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
