lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
