tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
