So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
