remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
