so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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