cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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