Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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