I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize