the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There r osticjed everywhere
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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