I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
