All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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