a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
