new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
