my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
