They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
