Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
