ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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