dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
