remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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