I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
