fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
