it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
