2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
