I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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