I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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